When Stress Kills Her Sex Drive

There’s a silent threat waiting to sabotage your sex life—and no, we’re not talking about STDs: Her sex drive may be more sensitive to stress than yours, according to a new study from the Kinsey Institute.

Researchers surveyed people about their sexual activity, and then assessed how certain moods—feeling stressed, depressed, happy—affected their libido. Not surprisingly, women were less likely than men to report a spike in desire when they were in a bad mood.

And that makes sense: Men often turn to the gym to blow off steam, while women tend to internalize their feelings—letting the tension build up over time, says study author Kathryn Macapagal, Ph.D.

Help her unwind by watching for these three signs that she’s stressed:

Stress Signal #1: She’s been shopping . . . a lot.

Draining the bank account may defuse her stress—but only temporarily.

“When you buy something exciting and new, your brain responds like it’s being rewarded,” says Macapagal. “But research shows that the exciting part is the actual buying process.” Read: Her high may fade immediately after she signs for those heels.

Your move: Replicate the charge of shopping without charging anything to your card.

“In psychology, we try to recommend things that give people a feeling similar to the activity we’re discouraging them from,” says Macapagal.

So if it’s the novelty of new shoes that thrills her, plan a fun, inexpensive date for the two of you—say, visiting an art museum or taking a hike.

Stress Signal #2: Her muscles are tight.

Sense she’s had a bad day? “Touching your partner is one way to assess stress,” says Macapagal.

Your move: Rub her down. What’s more, target her traps: Activity in the muscle that runs down the back of the neck significantly increased as mental stress mounted, in a new University of Colorado study.

Stress Signal #3: She’s neglecting her appearance.

Stress can interfere with her ability to prioritize, so she may cut out the non-necessities—even if that means eliminating things she normally enjoys.

“She may feel she doesn’t have time for self-care activities, whether it’s getting dressed for work, putting on make-up, or exercising,” says Macapagal.

Your move: Make her old must-do activities a priority for her. If she used to love hitting the gym, help her get there.

“When she gets home, have your workout clothes on, and hers set out,” says Macapagal. Or, if she loves manicures—but her nails look ragged—buy her a spa gift certificate.

SOURCE: Menshealth

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